When Winning is More Important than Seeking the Truth Male Victims and Children Suffer

PART 2

I believe that most people hearing the recording of the ex Mrs. Filler’s rants in Part 1 of this blog entry would say that it speaks volumes about her mental state, as well as her credibility and character.  She has a colorful vocabulary and appears to have no fear of authority or anyone else for that matter.  Apparently ADA Kellett, who continues to prosecute Vladek on the charges of rape and assault of his wife, is not like most people. 

After his arrest Vlaked was released from jail on $50,000 surety bond pending trial.  At the criminal trial in 2009 Vladek’s defense was premised on the theory that his wife fabricated or exaggerated her allegations against him to gain advantage in an anticipated custody case involving their minor children.  After all, her fabricating allegations is certainly not a far leap for anyone to jump, especially when you factor in her volatile and manic run in with the police that day in April.  However, Vladek was not allowed to present this defense at the criminal trial.  Yet ADA Kellet still used this defense to mock him at trial. 

Even with no physical or forensic evidence to support the gross sexual assault charges (the ex Mrs. Filler refused to allow a doctor to do a rape kit and no evidence DNA or other evidence of sexual assault was found in the laundry room where she said the rape occurred) Valdek was found guilty on one counts of the gross sexual assault and two counts of assault that he was charged.  

According to someone who claims to have been on the jury at Vladek’s criminal trial the jury wanted to hang Vladek on all the charges, however, their hands were tied because the law requires that a person be in fear or fear of suffering bodily harm.   The ex Mrs. Filler, when asked during an interview and on the witness stand if she feared her husband, testified that she had no fear of him or of suffering imminent bodily harm by him.  

This alleged juror’s comment is both illuminating and perplexing.  The topic of fear in domestic violence situations is of great interest given that the “fear factor” has been a huge stumbling block for male victims of female perpetrated intimate violence.  Lack of showing or admitting fear is one of the main reasons that men are disbelieved by the police, the courts and others when they report being victims. So why is it that a woman who shows no fear is found credible enough to get a man charged with gross sexual assault and domestic assault?      

After the guilty verdict Vladek “moved for a judgment of acquittal, arguing that there was insufficient evidence to support his convictions. In the alternative, he moved for a new trial based on prosecutorial misconduct and the court's error in excluding from evidence the protection from abuse complaints and the divorce complaint, initiated by his wife.  The court granted Filler's motion for a new trial on the basis that the prosecutor's rebuttal argument referenced the absence of evidence indicating a child custody dispute among the parties.” (Excerpted from the decision of appeal court in Sept. 2010 State v Vladek Filler)

In December 2009 a wise judge presiding over the Filler divorce trial saw through the ex Mrs. Fillers manipulations and falsehoods.  After hearing the evidence, including but not limited to the police audio and the testimony of one of the children who stated that his mother terrorized and hit everyone in the house, the judge awarded primary residence of the children to Vladek.  The court determined that doing so was necessary for the protection of the children.   The judge also made note of the fact that Mrs. Filler had a penchant for manufacturing claims.  

I met with Vladek a few years ago to discuss his case.  He was deeply concerned for his children and visibly distraught and frustrated by the jury’s decision.  I also attended the appeal hearing last year in support of him along with his sister Tatyanna. As I listened to the judges questions and ADA Kellett’s responses I became optimistic about the outcome.  Some of ADA Kellett’s responses seemed to be evasive and Charlie Sheen-ess….duh winning! :-)  As I watched ADA Kellett represent herself at the appeal I thought of the old adage, “a lawyer who represents themselves has a fool for a client.”     

There are so many red flags and holes in the criminal case against Vladek Filler that one would have to be sight impaired not to see them.  SAVE Services has called for ADA Kellett to be disbarred and for the case against Vladek to be dismissed.  You can read more about Vladek’s case at SAVE’s website.  

If you are able please consider making a contribution to the Filler Fund here.  http://www.fillerfund.com/defense.htm I know that Vladek, his children and his extended family would greatly appreciate any financial assistance you can offer. 

When Winning Becomes More Important than Seeking the Truth Male Victims and Children Suffer

Part 1of 2

Up until the 1970’s we had few laws and no real system in place to protect victims of child abuse, domestic violence and/or marital rape. At that time this type of violence was treated more like a family matter to be dealt with within the confines of the family and not through the criminal justice system. Victims of family violence were not taken as seriously as they are today and there were few remedies for them.

Today, when an accusation of child abuse, domestic violence and/or marital rape is made by or on behalf of an alleged victim we have a myriad of laws and services in place. We expect the authorities to take each report of family violence seriously, to investigate it thoroughly and hold the guilty person accountable for their actions. We want the guilty punished and the victim protected from further harm.

However, rarely are things are as black and white as they may appear, especially when it comes to human relationships. At times, perpetrators of family crimes are able to fool authorities and others into believing that they are victims. These perpetrators pose as victims for several reasons; to seek retribution against an intimate partner for leaving them, to cover up the fact that they are the abusive partner/parent, to get custody of the children in a divorce, and/or to prevent the real victims from the getting assistance and support.

A perpetrator that is validated as a victim can wield a tremendous amount of power over their victim, especially if the perpetrator is a woman. Female perpetrator/victims have the ability access to free victim and legal services and all the support they need to continue the charade.

Law enforcement personnel, social service workers and others who assist alleged victims of family violence crimes may have, “perceptual accentuation.” Perceptual accentuation is a process that leads a person to see and perceive what they want and expect to see and perceive as reality, even if it isn't reality.

We like to believe that justice will always be served, the guilty will pay and the innocent will go free. However, that’s not always the case. At times, the police, DA’s and others involved in investigating and prosecuting crimes get it wrong. DNA testing has exonerated many a prisoner who was once investigated, prosecuted and found guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

Abusive people who pretend to be victims seem to have little fear of authority and no compunction about lying to get what they want. Sadly, these types of people can tie their victim’s stomach, life, and future up in knots and forever change the lives of other innocent victims who get caught up in their web of decent, namely the children.

Vladek Filler, formerly of Hancock County, Maine probably believed in the justice system at one time…that is before he became a victim of it. Vladek has learned much about the justice system over the last four years. Mostly importantly, he has learned that once the “wheels of justice” are set in motion the truth no longer matters.

In early 2007, after many years of marriage to a woman who was reportedly physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive Vladek decided it was time to end his marriage. He was deeply concerned for his children’s safety and welfare given that they had been the targets of her abuse also. He was, perhaps, naïve enough to think that he and his wife could divorce amicably and put the children’s needs first and foremost.

Vladek started making plans to move to Georgia where his mother and sister were also relocating. His soon to be ex had other plans for him. Shortly after he asked for a divorce his wife filed a police report claiming that Vladek had raped and assaulted her during their marriage. She also made claims that he molested and abused the children.

Vladek was arrested and jailed on charges of gross sexual assault and domestic assault against his wife. Evidently there was some question about his wife’s parenting abilities because after Vladek’s arrest the minor children were placed in the custody of child protective services, not the custody of their mother.

Could the children being place in foster care instead of their mother’s care have anything to do with this police audio (recorded the same month that the ex Mrs. Filler filed the police reports of rape and assault against her fleeing husband)? In this audio you can hear the ex Mrs. Filler screaming death threats and obscenities one minute and laughing hysterically the next as police officers attempt to subdue her as she is walking down the road barefoot, without a shirt, and carrying her toddler in her arms. Even the judge in their divorce trial found her actions on that evening appalling and terrifying to their toddler.

Part 2 Thursday...

What Did He Do to Make Her Abuse Him?

One of the age old myths about a man’s use of violence against a woman is that the woman must have done something to make her male intimate partner angry enough to hit her. This myth that she did something to provoke his violence has been summarily taken to task and dispelled over the last two decades by those who advocate for battered women. A search on myths about domestic violence on internet will bring up a plethora of sites with information ever reminding us that there is no excuse for physical violence against a women i.e. Instead of asking, “What did she do to make him hit her?” remember that no one has the right to inflict bodily injury upon another; The question, "what did she do to make him hit her?" is an almost instinctive response ingrained in the fabric of our society, and on that ultimately places the blame on the victim. Unfortunately, the assertion that domestic violence victims somehow "provoke" batterers has been repeatedly used to both justify domestic violence and reduce the culpability of the perpetrator; What did she do to make her husband angry? This question blames the victim for the abuse and excuses the abuser. However, what about when the victim is a man and the abuser is a woman? Recently a video on youtube.com (which is an excerpt from an ABC news show) titled, "Reaction to Women Abusing Men in Public,” was shared on a Facebook wall. The ABC news show asked the question, “How will people react when they witness a woman abusing a man in a public place?” Over 160 people went by as a female [actress] berated, slapped, kicked, shoved and pulled the hair of her male [actor] partner as they were sitting in a park on a bench. Most who went by just looked over at them and kept going. One woman looked and as she was passing them she made hand gestures and smiled as if she was cheering the abusive woman on. Only one group of five women showed any concern for the man being abused, one of the women in that group confronted the abuser and another called 911 and reported what was going on. An off duty cop walked by and looked on as the woman was shoving, pushing and yelling at the man. He kept on walking without saying a word. When the reporter asked the cop why he didn't do anything the cop basically said he felt that there wasn’t a problem, however, he said had it been the man hitting the women he would have approached them. He said that he was raised to believe that you don't hit women. The woman that made the hand gestures of approval told the reporter that she assumed he was getting what was coming to him because he cheated on her or something.

One of the comments made on the facebook wall about this video brought to mind one more huge hurdle male victims must face on top of how to prove that they fear their abuser (see previous blog entry for the discussion on that issue). The facebook commenter pointed out that in order to assess the situation properly i.e. the woman beating up on the man; we needed to look at intent. The commenter went on to say that while all physical violence is wrong, since the woman asked the man “How could you do this to me” during her tirade that indicated that he did something to cause her anger and physical violence.

The commenter and the woman gesturing, “Hip Hip Hooray” for the abuser in the video are not alone in their thinking. While some continue ignore female on male violence, as many of the onlookers did in the video, there are a number of advocates, researchers, academics, law enforcement officers, and people who work in the court system who surely believe the myth of, “he must have done something to provoke her physical violence against him.” Researchers have written articles and published papers discussing the need to look at women’s intent when they use physical violence against their male partners. These articles and papers were written in mostly in response to studies that indicate that women are as equally violent as men.

The same myth that advocates worked so hard to dispel for female victims still persists and haunts male victims. When a man physically abuses a woman his intent has no bearing. It's taken for granted that men make conscious choices to be violent towards their intimate partners. However, when a woman uses of physical violence we are told that we must look at her intent before determining if she is the aggressor or the victim fighting back or making a preemptive strike against her abuser.

A great deal of effort and money has been spent to dispel the myths surrounding violence against women. I agree that intent is an important thing to question in some instances of domestic violence such as when one partner has a history of arrests for domestic violence and/or a partner has sought medical attention for injuries that appear to be domestic violence related even when the victim reports otherwise. In those situations there is reason to believe that a victim may be defending themselves or striking out preemptively. However, if we are to consider intent we should do so without bias.

Domestic violence in LGBT relationships is as prevalent as it is in heterosexual relationships. Do we ask the question, what was her intent for physically assaulting her female intimate partner?

Male helpline callers have reported instances where their exits have been blocked, they have suffered excruciatingly painful kicks to the groin and been assaulted with everything from kitchen knives to vehicles in unprovoked attacks by their intimate female partners. In those situations a man has the right to defend himself, however, if he does and he leaves any red marks on the woman’s wrists, arms etc it’s highly unlikely that law enforcement will consider the man’s intent before they haul him off to jail.

We need to make room for the fact that some women use unprovoked violence against their intimate partners and some men are victims of those unprovoked assaults. We seriously need stop making excuses and blaming men for all of women’s violence so that abusive women can get the help they need to change their abusive ways and abused men can trust that the system will work to protect them.

Taking It Like a Man and The Fear Factor

Two of the comments I received to my blog entry of January 20th about Dr. Phil reminded just how far people will go to hold steadfast to their convictions no matter what evidence may be presented to the contrary.

Matt wrote, “Finally men are learning how to get their balls back and stand up to women. “Anonymous” wrote quite a lengthy comment that I will summarize here: Dr. Phil is right, size does matter and that she [the wife on the show] doesn't have to be perfect, she can yell, scream and throw things…this doesn’t make her the abuser. Men need to step up to the plate and start being men, they need to take leadership of their families and stop relying on women to fix things for them. Men need to stop other men from abusing women and stop laughing about women being abused. If the guy on the show was fearful for his life why doesn't he just leave? So what if this guy locked himself in a closet and his car to escape her…big deal…he should take it like a man.

The risks of manning up are high:

Some people just don’t get that men in abusive relationships have much more to fear than physical violence and that standing up for one’s self as a man in these situations is tantamount to being on a suicide mission. Abusive women can and do use the system put in place to protect true victims to their advantage so that they can manipulate their victims and situations. Abusive women tell their partners things like, “Go ahead and call the police, who do you think they will believe me or you?” and “If you ever leave me I will ruin you and make damn sure you never see the kids again.” Abused men do live in fear because they know that their abusive partners can make good on these threats.

“Manning up” is a sure fire way for an abused man to lose everything he values and treasures in life; his children, his reputation, his property, and his bank account, not to mention his life. Male victims who have called our helpline have reported that they have awoken in the middle of the night to find that their partners were standing over them holding a gun or knife and threatening to kill them.

In addition, battered women’s advocates have made a point of reminding us that abusive men do not need to use physical violence to put fear in their victims, just the threat of violence is enough to keep women from leaving her abusive partners or telling anyone about what’s going on in their homes. So it stands to reason that abusive women also know the right buttons to push to put fear in men.

It is a common misconception that men are stronger and bigger and therefore the only ones that can cause “injury” in relationships fraught with violence. Thinking only in terms of size and strength perpetuates the stereotype that men are strong and women are weak, is that really the message we want to leave for the next generation?

Ever wonder why some people continue to hold onto myths and misconceptions that defy common sense? Well, according to University of Illinois Psychology Professor and author Daniel Simons, (and Josh Landis and Mitch Butler of “The Fast Draw,”), when an issue has to do with our perceived safety, often times, facts and logic do not apply. Once a view becomes hardened and people see it as the truth it is extremely difficult to dispel. They say that it goes beyond simple resistance to admitting you are wrong, it has to do with how ideas take root in our brains. The first time we hear something it gets processed in an area deep in our brain called the hippo-campus but as we think about it and remember it the view gets written more deeply into our cerebral cortex. Rewriting those deep beliefs is especially hard. When false beliefs face new information that turns out to be the truth, the truth doesn’t always set people free.

If we want to truly end intimate partner violence we must change these outdated beliefs and views and accept that men can be victims and that their suffering is no less important than the sufferings of their female counterparts.