We May Be Forced to Close Down Our Nat'l Helpline- Please Don't Let This Happen!

Dear Friends:

For 11 years, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW) has remained committed to helping victims of domestic violence, especially those under served. DAHMW has relied on funding from the founder's personal resources, and private donations from generous individuals, who share our commitment to support victims of domestic violence. Through our National Crisis Helpline, we have been able to help tens of thousands of individuals and families, across the country that suffered from domestic violence.

However, there is another crisis developing that has put our organization at risk.  The increasing needs of domestic violence victims have outpaced our ability to fund the organization, and without financial support from generous and passionate individuals, we will be unable to reach our fundraising goals and may be forced to close down our national toll free crisis helpline. This would leave thousands of victims with no place to go for help - please do not let this happen.

How can you help?
·    Help us reach our fundraising goal of $25,000 by November 30, 2011
·    Donate NOW via our website at http://www.dahmw.org
·    Please tell your friends about DAHMW and encourage them to donate

Our continued mission to help victims of domestic violence is only possible with the assistance of generous donations from members of the community. Without donations from supporters such as yourself, the people who benefited from DAHMW's services last year would have been left to face the devastating effects of domestic violence all alone.

Won't you help us help individuals in need? Your financial support can help us make a positive difference in the lives of people who have been victimized by domestic violence. Every dollar you send provides critical services to those in need.

On behalf of the millions of people suffering from the effects of domestic violence and the entire staff at DAHMW dedicated to helping these individuals, thank you for your support. It is going to make a meaningful impact for so many people.

With Appreciation,
Garo P. Green
President, Board of Directors

ELEVEN YEARS OF PROMOTING AWARENESS AND SERVICES FOR UNDER SERVED VICTIMS

Eleven Years by Jan Brown

From Our October 2011 Newsletter:

On October 27th we will celebrate our eleven year anniversary of serving victims of intimate partner violence.  Quite an accomplishment when you consider that we have maintained a nationally available toll free helpline manned by an all volunteer staff with a budget that averages $15,000 or less  in contributions and small grants each year.

As further testament to our fortitude, despite the lack of funding for  supportive services, we have also managed to safe house, emergency shelter , and provide other necessities to victims and their children who were determined to move away from the violence in their lives.

That’s not to say that we couldn’t benefit greatly from having the financial resources to enhance our ability to make a much larger impact on fixing this social problem.  It’s more to clarify that we continue to hang in there, holding out the hope that one day  we will achieve our goals.

Back in October of 2000 we entered into the fray knowing that social change doesn’t happen overnight.  However, given that family violence was already considered a social problem of grand proportions and that all we were asking was that male victims be given the same respect and services that female victims are afforded, we didn’t think it unreasonable to expect that change would occur in the not too distant  future.

Early on in this journey I came across a quote by Arthur Schopenhauer that pretty much sums up what it takes to make social change, “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self evident.”  This quote has been the guiding maxim for the work I do at DAHMW.  

I distinctly remember one of the first reactions I received when I mentioned male victims in a public place.  I was at the local post office speaking with our Post Mistress about setting up a post office box for our new agency.  An elderly woman came in and heard me mention that our agency specialized in bringing more awareness and services to male victims of domestic violence.  The elderly woman scoffed at the idea that a men needed such services and told me in not so many words that men were abusers not victims. 

Back then I didn’t have any logical pithy responses for the nay-sayers so I stood silent as she walked away. Over the years that I have been doing this work I have heard many comments such as this and more. 
I have been told men can take care of themselves...men don’t need services, they can just leave, they have jobs etc....men need to wait their turn, they can have services once violence against women has been taken care of...if men want services they should create them just like the women did for battered women.  

I have come to accept that in certain circles I will need to defend my beliefs with some common  sense arguments  that are difficult to refute for those that open their minds just a crack.  For instance, when someone tells me that men can’t be victims of women’s violence because men are bigger and stronger I ask them politely,  “What about the non  aggressive, non violent man whose parents ingrained in him as a young boy that he should never  hit a girl? “  After all, not every man is brought up to be brute and barbarian.   

I have spoken to my share of young men in their 20’s and 30’s on our crisis line who were brought up in single and two parent homes that were led by feminist mothers and fathers. Many  have stated that they were brought up to view women as equals and not subservient creatures to dominate and control.  These young men who have suffered verbal, emotional and physical attacks at the hands of their intimate partners aren’t likely to have the characteristics commonly found in abusive men. 

When someone makes the argument that men can just leave and/or that they have jobs so they don’t need help I suggest they tell that to the man who is disabled and whose wife puts his monthly check in a bank account that he has no access to or the man whose significant other has told him she will kill herself if he leaves or the guy that is told if he leaves he will never see his children again. Men stay for many of the same reasons women do.

Even though,  for all intents and purposes, we still seem to be in Schopenhauer’s “violently opposed” stage of the truth I have noticed that there has been a growing concern and acceptance of men as victims of intimate partner violence by the general public over the last two to three years.  The media in some states seem a little more aware.  They are including words like, “domestic violence, domestic assault, and domestic violence related,” more frequently when reporting on news stories where the woman is the aggressor in a domestic dispute. 

Our helpline volume has increased a great deal as more men recognize the signs of domestic violence and call for support and more family members call about their concerns over their son’s, brother’s, father’s, and grandfather’s, who they define as men in relationships with abusive partners. 

What seems to be one of the biggest obstacles for abused men is what I call the “fear factor.”  When a domestic dispute ensues and the police are called in to investigate, in most states, the police are required to make an arrest if they have reasonable cause or suspicion to believe that one person is the predominant aggressor (the man) and the other person is in fear of bodily harm (the woman). 

The “fear” abused men feel is, in general,  less about the physical assaults they may sustain from their intimate partners and more about what their abusers will do to them, i.e. take away their children, their personal belongings and their good reputations by falsely accusing them of heinous crimes. Even if a man is in “fear” of bodily harm he will be hard pressed to admit it to the police. 

The only “fear” that matters to the police in a domestic dispute is the one society reserves for women.  Until that fact changes abusive women will continue to use “fear” to abuse men. 

All in all the last eleven years have been eventful and educational.  I have learned a great deal about intimate partner violence, human nature, and what it takes to make social change. I continue to hold out the hope that Schopenhauer’s third stage of truth, “accepted as self evident,” will happen in my lifetime so that we may spare future generations of male victims and their children from suffering needlessly.

What Did He Do to Make Her Abuse Him?

One of the age old myths about a man’s use of violence against a woman is that the woman must have done something to make her male intimate partner angry enough to hit her. This myth that she did something to provoke his violence has been summarily taken to task and dispelled over the last two decades by those who advocate for battered women. A search on myths about domestic violence on internet will bring up a plethora of sites with information ever reminding us that there is no excuse for physical violence against a women i.e. Instead of asking, “What did she do to make him hit her?” remember that no one has the right to inflict bodily injury upon another; The question, "what did she do to make him hit her?" is an almost instinctive response ingrained in the fabric of our society, and on that ultimately places the blame on the victim. Unfortunately, the assertion that domestic violence victims somehow "provoke" batterers has been repeatedly used to both justify domestic violence and reduce the culpability of the perpetrator; What did she do to make her husband angry? This question blames the victim for the abuse and excuses the abuser. However, what about when the victim is a man and the abuser is a woman? Recently a video on youtube.com (which is an excerpt from an ABC news show) titled, "Reaction to Women Abusing Men in Public,” was shared on a Facebook wall. The ABC news show asked the question, “How will people react when they witness a woman abusing a man in a public place?” Over 160 people went by as a female [actress] berated, slapped, kicked, shoved and pulled the hair of her male [actor] partner as they were sitting in a park on a bench. Most who went by just looked over at them and kept going. One woman looked and as she was passing them she made hand gestures and smiled as if she was cheering the abusive woman on. Only one group of five women showed any concern for the man being abused, one of the women in that group confronted the abuser and another called 911 and reported what was going on. An off duty cop walked by and looked on as the woman was shoving, pushing and yelling at the man. He kept on walking without saying a word. When the reporter asked the cop why he didn't do anything the cop basically said he felt that there wasn’t a problem, however, he said had it been the man hitting the women he would have approached them. He said that he was raised to believe that you don't hit women. The woman that made the hand gestures of approval told the reporter that she assumed he was getting what was coming to him because he cheated on her or something.

One of the comments made on the facebook wall about this video brought to mind one more huge hurdle male victims must face on top of how to prove that they fear their abuser (see previous blog entry for the discussion on that issue). The facebook commenter pointed out that in order to assess the situation properly i.e. the woman beating up on the man; we needed to look at intent. The commenter went on to say that while all physical violence is wrong, since the woman asked the man “How could you do this to me” during her tirade that indicated that he did something to cause her anger and physical violence.

The commenter and the woman gesturing, “Hip Hip Hooray” for the abuser in the video are not alone in their thinking. While some continue ignore female on male violence, as many of the onlookers did in the video, there are a number of advocates, researchers, academics, law enforcement officers, and people who work in the court system who surely believe the myth of, “he must have done something to provoke her physical violence against him.” Researchers have written articles and published papers discussing the need to look at women’s intent when they use physical violence against their male partners. These articles and papers were written in mostly in response to studies that indicate that women are as equally violent as men.

The same myth that advocates worked so hard to dispel for female victims still persists and haunts male victims. When a man physically abuses a woman his intent has no bearing. It's taken for granted that men make conscious choices to be violent towards their intimate partners. However, when a woman uses of physical violence we are told that we must look at her intent before determining if she is the aggressor or the victim fighting back or making a preemptive strike against her abuser.

A great deal of effort and money has been spent to dispel the myths surrounding violence against women. I agree that intent is an important thing to question in some instances of domestic violence such as when one partner has a history of arrests for domestic violence and/or a partner has sought medical attention for injuries that appear to be domestic violence related even when the victim reports otherwise. In those situations there is reason to believe that a victim may be defending themselves or striking out preemptively. However, if we are to consider intent we should do so without bias.

Domestic violence in LGBT relationships is as prevalent as it is in heterosexual relationships. Do we ask the question, what was her intent for physically assaulting her female intimate partner?

Male helpline callers have reported instances where their exits have been blocked, they have suffered excruciatingly painful kicks to the groin and been assaulted with everything from kitchen knives to vehicles in unprovoked attacks by their intimate female partners. In those situations a man has the right to defend himself, however, if he does and he leaves any red marks on the woman’s wrists, arms etc it’s highly unlikely that law enforcement will consider the man’s intent before they haul him off to jail.

We need to make room for the fact that some women use unprovoked violence against their intimate partners and some men are victims of those unprovoked assaults. We seriously need stop making excuses and blaming men for all of women’s violence so that abusive women can get the help they need to change their abusive ways and abused men can trust that the system will work to protect them.

Dr. Phil and His Viewers Don't See Eye to Eye on Women's Domestic Violence Against Men

In our October 2010 Newsletter, I wrote a letter to Dr. Phil: A Letter to Dr. Phil From Jan Elizabeth Brown "Dr. Phil, you are an intelligent, well read man so I can’t for the life of me understand how you can continue to ignore the truth regarding domestic violence. Your recent announcement declaring that your show’s ninth season will be devoted to “ending the silence on domestic violence,” falls flat for those of us who support all victims. How are you going to “end the silence” given the fact that you are guilty of being tight lipped yourself about the over 834,000 straight, gay and transgender male victims of intimate partner violence each year? Your website shares plenty of stats of female victims but no mention of how many male victims there are each year even though the stats are available. You have invited everyone to join your campaign and become a “Silence Breaker!” but if you won’t even be a “Silence Breaker!” how can you ask anyone else to do so?” I challenge you to read some empirical data on male victims by Dr. Hines and Douglas’s and Dr. Gelles testimony before US Senate Committee on the Judiciary this year and then tell me you can continue to ignore this much under served group of victims." I stopped watching Dr. Phil's show because of his myopic views on domestic violence, however, a news alert I received had a link to his the message board for the January 10th show titled, "Afraid of My Husband." Looking at the comments on this message board I see that nothing has changed with Dr. Phil; he is still being tight lipped and ignorant about male victims. Worse yet, on this January 10th show he made excuses for a wife's violence towards her husband, calling the abuse she perpetrated against him a "relationship issue." Dr. Phil’s reasoning that the husband was bigger and stronger and therefore the abuser did apparently not sway the commentors. Oh Dr. Phil when are you going to put that old myth to rest? A person who is 5’4”, prone to violence, and very angry can do a lot of damage to someone who is 6’2” weighs more, and is a non-violent person. Size, weight, and/or being muscular are not good indicators of whether or not a man will be a victim or a batterer. This myth focuses only on the physical aspects of domestic violence. An abuser does not need to be bigger or stronger to throw a meat cleaver at you, rip the phone of the wall and use it as a weapon, cut up all your clothing, or threaten to call the police and tell them that you are abusing them. Violence is a matter of personal choice, not body size. [Excerpted from our paper on our website called, "Myths and Realities of Domestic Abuse Against Men,” Myth #2] Domestic or intimate partner violence is an intentional and methodical pattern of abusive tactics used by one partner in a relationship to gain power and exert control over the other partner in the relationship. A person doesn't have to be bigger or stronger to be the abusive one in the relationship. Dr. Phil got a reaction from quite few of his viewers who watched this show, however, probably not the reaction he expected. Viewers were quite upset by his comments about this couple’s domestic violence, so much so that some viewers who don't usually go online to write felt compelled to do so to voice their opinions on how wrong Dr. Phil was in this situation. Viewers were none too pleased with the way he handled the domestic violence going in Sonya and Lawrence’s relationship. As a matter of fact, of the 190 comments made on Dr. Phil’s message board only a handful were in support. It seems he touched quite a few nerves with his justification of the wife’s violence towards her husband. Here are just 12 of the 190 comments made (spelling and grammar errors left in the messages to keep them original): By:nsturner I heard Dr. Phil tell Sonya that what she was doing was a relationship issue not an abuse issue. In my mind spitting and hitting someone is assult, no matter the gender of the person doing it.Sonya admitted to spitting on her husband while he was walking down the stairs to leave the confrontation. I believe this comment made by D. Phil is a blow to the Stop the Violence campaign because he is saying that if a man hits a woman it is abuse but if a woman hits a man it is a relationship issue. By:sehealey55 I believe Sonya is not afraid of her husband. I have been afraid of someone in my life time I would not get in his face or follow him. You try your best not to set the person off. Sonya followed her husband when he tried to get away from her. She broke two of his lap tops (what a waste of money in this economy glad she has the money to waste). She is a very abusive person. Man or women should never inflict pain on anyone they do not have the right. She does not have a relationship issues she has a control issue she wants total control. I am very disappointed in you Dr. Phil. I watch your show every day when possible. You really blew it on this one. By:talithafree I enjoy watching Dr. Phil and I find his show interesting. Generally he treats people fairly. Today, I was so surprised by the way he was willing to just breeze over Sonya's treatment of her husband and label it as "relationship issues" because she is not as strong as he is? This woman had this man hiding in closets, SHE destroyed two laptops and a television. She admitted to spitting in his face, which I think is despicable as well as abusive. I wonder if doctor Phil is not aware of recent documented case studies of women abusing the men that they are in relationship with? This is documented. I am so sad and frustrated Dr. Phil basically gave Sonya a green light on her behavior. It isn't abuse after all. When women are portrayed as victims in every situation and are not required to take responsibility for their actions it is wrong just as it is wrong when men historically were not required to take responsibility for abusing the women in their lives. It would have been so much better if Dr. Phil had made the point that abuse by anyone is wrong and not just laid all of the blame on the the husband. By:kimmie813 I never go online and comment, but I have to say something about today's show. I have always been a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I could not believe what I was hearing today. I kept waiting for Dr. Phil to let Sonja have it at some point. Abuse is abuse! No matter if it is a woman or a man who is dishing it out. I am not taking his side, but I actually started feeling sorry for Lawrence. He looked like he was at the end of his rope. He was getting blamed for everything. She was not innocent! Really??? She chased and spit on him, hit him, kicked him, kicked in the TV, threw his laptop and SHE is afraid of HIM??? She admitted all of this. He would sleep in the car and lock himself in a room to get away from her! NO man has a right to put his hands on a woman or child in anger or violence, but this goes for a woman too! His own kids defy him and say they will just wait until mom gets home? That is so wrong! This guy got thrown under the bus and she got away scott free. It was all so completely one sided! I saw a smug woman laying a lot of blame and a man that was completely worn down emotionally. I am just blown away by today's show and how unfair it was. (Shocked!) By: baatma Let me start by saying I love Dr Phil. DVR the show every day. I just watched this show and my mind was blown. I am all for ending domestic violence. Domestic violence does not just mean a man abusing a woman. This woman on this show admitted to trying to get to her husband while he was in a closet with his feet against the door trying to keep her off him. That to me sounds like he fears her. In this case it is clear that she is the aggressive one. I really hate to say this but SHAME ON YOU DR. PHIL!!!! You gave this lady every excuse to abuse her husband because "its a relastionship issue". The children in this case have clearly learned how to manipulate and play the parents against each other. I have been afraid of one of my parents and I would have never told him that I would just wait till mom got home, because he told me to read my book. My mother was also afraid of him and she would have never chased him into a closet!!! I also have a sister that is 4' 9" and her husband is 6'2" and regardless of size my sister is the abuser there. Yes she has gotten hurt during their fights but when he has to get away from her and she is in his face then the only way away from her is through her. This show was like seeing my sister and bro in law's life. The husband should have never laid a hand on her and I think he gets that ... The wife should have never laid her hands on her husband.... They are BOTH victims of domestic violence!!! By:chrboy I have watched your show from the beginning. I have disagreed ocassionally, but I can't remember ever just saying you blew it. but YOU BLEW IT !!!!! To say that Women are exempt from having their violence called abuse because they are smaller is nothing short of insane. When she bloodied his lip was that not imposing her will on him. and another thing , she was more of a problem in the marraige than he was. Have you ever seen an Abused person chasing the abuser into another room and the abuser using his feet to keep the abused from getting to him. SHE IS NOT being abused. YOU OWE BOTH THE HUSBAND AND HIS SISTER AN APPOLOGY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! By:majriti I could not, for the life of me, understand why the wife was not considered an abuser today. And it was little details that made the woman look like a vile manipulator. For example, she talked about how they can't watch TV because they don't have one. Yet in another part of the show, she and her husband talk about how she kicked the TV in her anger. And I don't understand how the husband can have the power to isolate her financially, when he admitted to gambling as a cry for attention - he knew his wife would discover the frivolous spending because his wife does the business' books. The husband is running away to the closet while she screams and hits him, yet this isn't abuse? And his running away to the car ends up being a tool to isolate her, rather than a defense mechanism to isolate himself? The whole time the show was on, the wife managed to take everything being said and turn it so that she was talking about herself as the victim. Poor me this. Poor me that. It's all about me, me, me. Not her husband. Not her kids. Not her family as a whole. Her son even touched on this when he said he felt like he was trapped in the middle between his parents. His mom would come talk to him about his dad and "why they were fighting." She's feeding him poison against his own father - the kid knows it, and he doesn't want to be forced to take it, but she just won't let up. By:kttnajj I could not believe what I was hearing on today's show. There have been a few times I have adamantly disagreed with Dr. Phil and this certainly is one of those times. Talk about double standards, Dr. Phil! It looked like the wife was sitting there, feeling vindicated and smug while you were throwing her husband under the bus. What if she were the bigger of the two...would you have referred to HER as the abuser in that case? The husband was no saint, and shame on both of them for acting the way they do in front of their little kids, but to call his behavior "abuse" and hers "a relationship issue"...come on.... are you trying to be politically correct or something, Dr. Phil? You threw him under the bus, but you should have thrown her under as well. I think that, in a lot of cases, a wife can be physically and mentally abusive...it is not only the husband. I can just hear it now.... when they left the show, she no doubt felt like you were taking her side, even though you DID mention that what she was doing was wrong too, but hey! She can probably brag to her husband now saying "See? See? Even Dr Phil says YOU are the abuser, not me!" You let her get away with it.... and which of them felt remorse at the whole thing? NOT HER. HE was the one who broke down. Oh,she dabbed at her eyes, but there seemed to be no tears to dab! You got it wrong this time, Dr. Phil By:canadianmandy Never before have I felt such a strong need to comment on one of Dr. Phil's show, as I do today. I'm a divorced mother of two, who was in an abusive marriage years ago. I totally understand what it is like to be mentally, verbally and physically abused. I also understand the importance of stressing that there is absolutely, unequivocally no reason to ever lay a hand on a woman (or child)..end of story. NO excuse. It's just wrong, period. That said though, I was not only angered, but disgusted (for the first time ever) when Dr.Phil simply referred to what the wife was doing as 'relationship issues'. Dr.Phil.. SERIOUSLY?! Come on. I don't care what his size is in comparison to her. I don't care what his 'muscular' make up compared to hers is.. Abuse is abuse..period. And when that man has to take refuge in a closet from her..that IS abusive behaviour. NOT simply a relationship issue. Don't get me wrong. I did not, nor ever will agree with raising a hand to a woman as ever 'justifiable' and yes, someone needs to take the high road when situations escalate, but please don't ever minimize the abusive situations that some men find themselves in again as 'relationship issues'. Men have found themselves being slapped, punched, kicked.. with or without objects/weapons, men have found themselves being mentally and verbally abused..and I won't ever believe that is any less 'abusive' simply because the victim may be 'larger' and male. It is a statement like you made tonight on your show that could have men NOT come forward should they find them-self in an abusive relationship. Sorry, I mean having "having relationship issues" with their wife/girlfriend. I've been a loyal fan of the show since it first aired..and will continue to be so. D.Phil is an incredibly warm, kind, intelligent man who has my utmost respect, but todays show he really disappointed me. By:lollydunc I absolutely feel as though domestic violence is a real thing I also agree that both husband and wife on the show today need to change. However, I feel as though Dr. Phil needed to also put some pressure on the wife. I do not buy into the whole labels deal where the husband is the abuser and the wife is just having relationship issues. I grew up in a household where my parents fought and sometimes it would get physical. I have seen my mother get in my dads face, chase him around the house taunting him to "hit her". Then turn around and claim that she is scared of him, like the wife did today. I think that is false. If you are really frightened of someone, you would not try so hard to get them to react physically. I absolutely believe that women can be abusive as well and should be held accountable for their actions. I feel Dr. Phil totally excused that ladies actions today and I do not agree. Yes, the husband needed some kind of self control and anger management but the wife did also. I hate seeing men, like my dad, who get barraded because they are "men and stronger" when you only see that side when the wife is provocing the situation. What would Dr. Phil say about a 250 lb lady who is physical with a 150 lb man. Would it still be her having relationship issues? By: sehanoch I cannot believe what I am seeing! I should say that I am a survivor of domestic violence and was able to find a wonderful man for 12 years now. Today's show did NOT depict domestic violence! In fact it MOCKED it! How dare you say that a woman who baits and attacks her husband is equal to a woman who is legitimately beat and abused! How dare you demean women who are actually in situations of true abuse! Men may be stronger and have an advantage over a women however, women are more emotionally adept and can, will and DO abuse, manipulate and destroy men emotionally. I get very angry at people who just blame the men, it adds to taking the power from women. I was able to leave my first husband and rebuild my life, making strong boundaries in my life to assure that it didn’t happen again. To see someone like this woman, who baited, demeaned, and chased her husband in violence is repugnant! She does have relationship issues in that she went to her children to complain, why didn’t you discuss that emotional molestation? This, Dr. Phil, is not pure domestic violence, it is a troubled couple and a man who has no idea what to do when his 'helpmate' wants nothing but to emasculate him. I am very disappointed in you. My disappointment doesn’t matter to you but , in this case, you are very wrong. By: jaegergirl6 I found todays show really upsetting. I think you did everyone a dis-service by not holding that woman responsible to the same degree you did her husband. I have been in an abusive relationship. In fact as have many abuse women -I have been in a few abusive relationships. I can tell you that woman is in an abusive relationship of her own making! It seemed to me that she was equally as abusive and that she has adopted the drama queen attitude that wants to get everyone over to her side in order to keep the game going. "Look how hard I try and how awful he is!" "I am so sorry how awful your father is now lets go home and provoke him into being truly terrible to us so that I can feel better about myself' Poor poor pitiful me" I really think you missed the boat on this one today and it is to bad because there is real abuse happening out there and this wasn't it. These two people are both in need of help but neither one of them is more to blame than the other. Their poor kids. Oh and I think you owe his sister an apology. Thanks Dr. Phil! Your ignorance on male victims and female perpetrators helps us to bring more public awareness to this issue. It would seem that we are not the only ones who are sick and tired of excuse's being made for women's violence and seeing male victims being portrayed as abusers just because they are men. Take heed Dr. Phil, the truth is finally coming out! Soon no one will believe the myth that only women are victims and men abusers.

Honor Your Dad on Father's Day June 20th

DOMESTIC ABUSE HELPLINE FOR MEN AND WOMEN FUNDRAISER

A great way to show dad you care is by donating to a cause that specializes in helping men. The DAHMW, 10 years old now, receives no federal or state funding. We have no paid employees. Our volunteers donated over 14,000 hours last year to keep our helpline running and bring public awareness to this issue. We rely solely on the generosity of our private contributors. Your donation of $10, $15 or $20 will help us keep our toll free helpline and website up and running. Everyone who donates will receive grateful acknowledgment through the Thank You Page on our Website. We'll post you and your dad's name, unless your prefer to remain anonymous. To donate, please click on the PayPal button on our website www.dahmw.org ( support us page) or go to our facebook cause page. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

New Study Reveals Gender Stereotypes in Domestic Violence

A Study done at the Arizona State University reiterates something I have said repeatedly over the last ten years, the media's portrayal of domestic violence hinders services for male victims as well as for women who are violent. Thank you so much for doing this study, it's true progress in the making!
In this pilot study participants were asked to look at news stories about domestic violence. The results on how participants perceived men and women's violence proved out that there are major gender stereotypes in the media.
The participants felt that if a man was violent he should be punished but that there should be more leniency and understanding for a woman who is violent. Also, people made excuses for women's violence, i.e. she was probably defending herself or he must have done something to make her mad. One of the students working on the research mentions that male victims are portrayed as wimps for getting beat up by a girl and not real men.
Kellie Palazzolo, an assistant professor in the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication, Jennifer Scarduzio, a doctoral communications student, and two other graduate students worked on the project. The paper was accepted to the National Communication Association Conference and submitted to the journal Communication Quarterly.
In the article Ms. Palazzolo said hopes to take what they learned from this study and turn it into a prevention campaign that treats both male and females equally as having the potential to be aggressive in a relationship. I called and spoke with Ms. Palazzo about the research. I told her about our work, asked that she please keep us in the loop regarding her future prevention campaign and let her know that she could count on us to support that campaign.

To read the entire article, written by Rheyanne Weaver, click here

Does Anyone Else Find This Offensive to Male Victims?

I just read about a campaign over in London that is meant to bring more awareness of male victims of domestic abuse. I think it's wonderful that they are trying to bring more heighten awareness to the fact that "one man dies as a result of domestic abuse every three weeks." click here to read the article However, I find the campaign offensive to male victims. The campaign uses an image of a man with no genitalia with a caption that reads,

"we know how it feels to be a victim of male domestic violence.”

This may heighten awareness of male victims of domestic violence but what does the image do for a male victim? Maybe they think differently in the UK, " we feel that the shocking nature of the image we’ve used really reflects the seriousness of the issue.” click here to read the article To me it suggests that if you are a man being abused you have been stripped of your manhood. How will that make more men come forward and talk about their victimization? Is this the message they want to give male victims and the public about domestic abuse against men? I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this campaign.

Dr. Claudia Cornell on the emotional abuse of men by women

excerpts from an online interview Dr. Cornell did for The Upper Deck Blog To read the interview in it's entirety click here

• What inspired the two of you to start the Women Against the Abuse of Men web site?

The website came about in our effort to provide a practical online resource for men who are dealing with abusive women in their personal lives. There are also many requests for information and resources from family and friends of abused men, and we are attempting to help them as well. As therapists working in the domestic abuse field, it was obvious that men were not accessing help in the same way women do. Taking the time to consider all the reasons why this might be the case, made us realize that most men are probably not getting any assistance at all. Making information on abuse available specifically for men seemed an important thing to do. If abuse in all its forms is fundamentally wrong, then it is just as wrong for a man to be forced to endure abuse as it is for a woman. A critical lapse in abuse advocacy exists when the resources for victims of Intimate Partner Abuse (IPA) have been developed almost exclusively for women and their children, leaving abused men and their children to fend for themselves. Being professional women working in the abuse arena, who know men are also being abused, we felt it was important to acknowledge this openly and to find creative ways to reach these men with the understanding and the resources they need to help themselves. The website and the book seemed to be two effective ways to reach as many men as possible....

• Could you describe typical emotional abuse scenarios?

Generally speaking, the undercurrent of emotional abuse involves a consistent pattern of discontent on her part, for which he is blamed. She feels justified in manipulating, abusing and even terrorizing him based on her rigid perception that he will only ever fail to meet her expectations; therefore, he deserves her wrath. Letting her have what she wants quickly becomes null and void as soon as she is discontented once again. At some point, she is so invested in her anger, her ability to manipulate him, and how powerful this makes her feel, no matter how hard he tries nothing he does will be good enough. Any success or good mood he may share with her that doesn’t involve something she wants for herself, will only aggravate her; this will likely be followed by her attempt to tear him down and bring him back to a miserable state of self-doubt and loneliness. At some point, he will probably stop trying altogether and share as little as possible with her; this is a survival technique for him, which will work in the short term, but this is not meant to sustain him in the long run. This becomes a vicious cycle of attack and withdrawal, leaving a man to question himself, his self-worth and his purpose.

Another general scenario, involves a woman whose moods change rapidly. She’s up, she’s down, and prone to extreme reactions. There may not be a lot of thought behind her abusive flashes of anger, and these incidents don’t necessarily make sense. This woman may be affected by a mental health problem – possibly Bipolar Disorder. A medical intervention by a licensed Psychiatrist and appropriate medications will be necessary to resolve this issue. Therapy will a qualified therapist is also highly recommended for this woman and her husband and possibly their children where this applies....

• How does one recognize that one is affected by emotional abuse?

I would encourage any man who suspects her treatment of him crosses the line, to log onto our website and learn more about emotionally abusive behavior. The first step to turning this problem around is becoming fully educated and aware of the problem itself. For instance, men who find themselves walking on eggshells for fear of what ordeal may erupt at home, should learn more about emotional abuse to determine how many signs of abuse they are dealing with on a regular basis. Men who find themselves staying late at work to avoid going home to her might consider a closer look also. Stress-related physical ailments, possibly linked to problems in the relationship are a red flag as well; such as, headaches, stomach problems, neck and muscle pain and so on. Symptoms of mild to moderate depression, which would not be uncommon with abuse, include a loss of appetite, fatigue, insomnia, irritability and an inability to enjoy the things usually enjoyable. Trauma symptoms are more significant and may include nightmares, moderate to severe depression, panic and possibly suicidal thoughts; these symptoms require medical help right away.

Hobbes In The House/male Victims Of Domestic Abuse -- It Happens

MN Spokesman-Recorder Domestic abuse against men – it happens. You're going to have a hard finding statistics, because reluctant as many women are to report abusive husbands or boyfriends to the authorities, out of fear of his retaliation or because they've been conditioned to accept the abuse – men are even less likely to pick up the phone, dial 911 and say their wife or girlfriend just went upside their head or threw a pot at them." If a man has a hotheaded, heavy-handed woman to deal with, there are reasons he doesn't say or do anything about it except hope she doesn't wind up maiming or killing him. For one, it's embarrassing to have it look like she can whup his butt. For another, in certain states, all she has to do is, when the cops show up, claim she was defending herself and that she is in fear of him. Whether it's true or not, he promptly finds himself treated to a free ride downtown where he's accorded an insider's view of the county jail – from the wrong side of the bars. Now, if he happens to be gay and his husband or boyfriend has been roughing him up, he can't possibly know how the cop who shows up feels about homosexuality. For all he knows, the cop may drag them both off in handcuffs, abuser and victim alike. There is also the kind of abuse you can't report to police, because it's not illegal. Just as women are made to endure mental and emotional torture, there are men who put up with being treated like a doormat. She may constantly make snide, demeaning comments for no good reason. She may spitefully manipulate his feelings -- to read the rest of the article

Interview with Jan Brown

Interview with Jan Brown: Founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women - Part One

September 18, 9:31 AMTucson Abusive Relationships ExaminerKayla Wardlow http://www.examiner.com/x-20557-Tucson-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d18-Interview-with-Jan-Brown-Founder-of-the-Domestic-Abuse-Helpline-for-Men-and-Women--Part-One

Interview with Jan Brown: Founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women - Part Two

September 23, 6:52 PMTucson Abusive Relationships ExaminerKayla Wardlow http://www.examiner.com/x-20557-Tucson-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2009m9d23-Interview-with-Jan-Brown-Founder-of-the-Domestic-Abuse-Helpline-for-Men-and-Women--Part-Two

Domestic Violence Victims Services and the Male Heterosexual Victim

Having been an advocate for victims of domestic abuse for over a decade I have done my homework with regard to what services are available for men abused by women. The question, "What services do battered women's shelter programs offer male victims?" has come up more times then I can count over the years. I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the issue having called, emailed and faxed a great number of these shelter programs across the country on behalf of our clients in the last eight years. Here is what I have discovered. When I contact an agency my call goes something like this, "Hello, my name is Jan and I am with the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women. I have just had caller on our helpline that lives in your county and I have screened him (more about that later) and found that he is a victim of domestic abuse." Then I might give a few details about his situation such as the types of violence he has suffered at the hands of his intimate partner (never revealing his name, address or phone number) and then ask the hotline advocate, "What services does your agency offer abused men?" or "Can I refer him to your agency?" The responses generally go like this, "We don't help men....hold on let me ask someone....men are referred out (usually to a batterer's intervention program)....we offer the same services to all victims but we only shelter women and children...except for adolescents boys we don't shelter them...and we do not have support groups for male victims but if more men called we would consider starting one. Domestic violence shelter programs were never meant to house or serve men. The founding mothers of domestic violence services were advocates for battered women not advocates for battered person's. That being the case it's really no surprise that many of these programs have nothing to offer male victims. To Be Continued....

Group Health Center for Health Study finds that Men experience domestic violence, with health impact

From the Home office: A press release on May 19, 2008 on a study done about abuse of men indicates that domestic violence can happen to men, and that domestic violence against men is under - studied and often hidden. This study also debunks five of myths about abuse of men. See our website for other myths. It's great to see this research get media attention as that helps to promote public awareness so that society can see the need and start to address the problem. Men experience domestic violence, with health impact SEATTLE—Domestic violence can happen to men, not only to women, according to Group Health research in the June American Journal of Preventive Medicine. “Domestic violence in men is under-studied and often hidden—much as it was in women 10 years ago,” said study leader Robert J. Reid, MD, PhD, an associate investigator at the Group Health Center for Health Studies. “We want abused men to know they’re not alone.” His findings confirm some common beliefs but also debunk five myths about abuse in men: Myth 1: Few men experience domestic violence. Many do. In-depth phone interviews with over 400 randomly sampled adult male Group Health patients surprised Dr. Reid and his colleagues: 5% had experienced domestic violence in the past year, 10% in the past five years, and 29% over their lifetimes. The researchers defined domestic violence to include nonphysical abuse—threats, chronic disparaging remarks, or controlling behavior—as well as physical abuse: slapping, hitting, kicking, or forced sex. Myth 2: Abuse of men has no serious effects. The researchers found domestic violence is associated with serious, long-term effects on men’s mental health. Women are more likely than men to experience more severe physical abuse, said Dr. Reid. “But even nonphysical abuse——can do lasting damage.” Depressive symptoms were nearly three times as common in older men who had experienced abuse than in those who hadn’t, with much more severe depression in the men who had been abused physically. Myth 3: Abused men don’t stay, because they’re free to leave. In fact, men may stay for years with their abusive partners. “We know that many women may have trouble leaving abusive relationships, especially if they’re caring for young children and not working outside the home,” said Dr. Reid. “We were surprised to find that most men in abusive relationships also stay, through multiple episodes, for years.” Myth 4: Domestic violence affects only poor people. The study actually showed it to be an equal-opportunity scourge. “As we found in our previous research with women experiencing domestic violence, this is a common problem affecting people in all walks of life,” said Dr. Reid. “Our patients at Group Health have health insurance and easy access to health care, and their employment rate and average income, education level, and age are higher than those of the rest of the U.S. population.” Myth 5: Ignoring it will make it go away. Not so. “We doctors hardly ever ask our male patients about being abused—and they seldom tell us,” said Dr. Reid. “Many abused men feel ashamed because of societal expectations for men to be tough and in control.” Younger men were twice as likely as men age 55 or older to report recent abuse. “That may be because older men are even more reluctant to talk about it,” he added. For the rest of the press release see: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-05/ghcc-med051508.php

Lies By Omission, An Open Letter to Congress re DV Awareness Month by R. Davis

The Lies By Omission, An Open Letter to Congress regarding Domestic Violence Awareness Month March 28, 2008 The Lies by Omission Chapter 12 of Domestic Violence: Intervention, Prevention, Policies, and Solutions is an open letter to the members of the U.S. Congress. Reading from September 25, 2007 of the Congressional Record it seems to me that the members (it passed 395 – 0) who voted for resolution, H. Res. 590 (view below), may not be aware of what they voted for. Representative Dan Burton claims that Congress is very much aware of domestic violence statistics while in reality, as the resolution obviously documents, he and Congress are either unaware of the statistics concerning male victimization or they purposely choose to exclude those statistics. Representative Jim Costa notes that, “We must remember that domestic violence victims are our sons. They are our daughters. They are our sisters and our brothers, even our parents and our neighbors.” Representative John Kline claims we only think of women and not men as victims of domestic violence. Kline seems unaware that he plays an integral role in that misrepresentation. All the members of the 110th Congress seem unable or unwilling to understand that their resolution implicitly presents males as violent and aggressive abusers and females as their passive and docile victims by its exclusion of statistics concerning male victimization. Apparently when he voted Costa forgot to remember the victimization of our sons and brothers. It appears that Burton, Costa, Kline and all the members of Congress do not recognize that the resolution they voted for is clearly filled with the lies of omission. The resolution begins with, “Whereas one in four women will experience domestic violence sometime in her life.” Apparently no one in Congress noticed this very clear and purposeful exclusion of male victimization. And with this omission of male victimization and female offending comes the thinly veiled implication that males are the cause of domestic violence. The resolution reports that 13 percent of teenage girls who have been in a relationship report being hit or hurt by their partner. The resolution does not report the fact that the same study on the same page documents that 17 percent of teenage boys report being hit or hurt by their partner. The resolution, through the use of a single study about “abusive” fathers not fathers in general, implicitly paints all fathers who have been involved in custody disputes as little more than violent and cruel men who abuse both their wives and children. The resolution includes some statistics concerning the homicides of women and the attempted suicides of girls while it excludes any mention of the homicides of men and the suicides of boys involved in intimate relationships. Regardless of percentage differentials, excluding the murders of men and boys in intimate relationships both minimizes and trivializes their deaths. Because I do not believe that many, if any, members of Congress will read my book I have decided to place Chapter 12 of my book, in its entirety, on the internet in hyperlink format for use by anyone concerned about domestic violence awareness. I urge anyone that wants to remember the victimization of both their daughters and sons to place this introduction and Chapter 12 on their website. And please pass this open letter along to others who will do the same. I also ask that the readers pass this open letter on to whoever represents them in Congress. Afterword 12 ____________________________________________________________________ William Jennings Bryan: “I do not think about the things that I do not think about.” Clarence Darrow: “Do you ever think about the things that you do think about.” Inherit the Wind Introduction This is intended to serve as an open letter to the members of the U.S. Congress. The very weekend I intended to submit the manuscript for this book I received an email from http://http://www.mediaradar.org/ concerning the following Congressional resolution, H.RES. 590. which was waiting the approval of the 110th Congress. I absolutely agree with the 110th Congress that it should become involved in raising awareness about the devastating effects domestic violence has on families and communities. The most important goal of this book, in general, and this chapter, in particular, is to help our public policy makers to ruminate on the things they are thinking about when they think about domestic violence. If the members of Congress do not have enough time to read this book, I request that, in the interest of raising awareness, the members of Congress find the time to read this short chapter. When the members of the 110th Congress thought about domestic violence they did think about women, and, as the bill clearly documents, they did not think about nor report about men as victims. In the Congressional resolution that follows men are portrayed as abusers, not as victims; boys are portrayed as abusers, not as victims. Although members of Congress may want to raise domestic violence awareness, in their resolution they simply ignore the victimization of men when they write, “Whereas one in four women will experience domestic violence sometime in her life.” The Resolution 110th CONGRESS, 1st Session, H. RES. 590 Supporting the goals and ideals of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and expressing the sense of the House of Representatives that Congress should raise awareness of domestic violence in the United States and its devastating effects on families and communities. IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES July 31, 2007 Mr. POE (for himself, Mr. COSTA, Mr. AL GREEN of Texas, Mrs. MCCARTHY of New York, Mr. MARKEY, Mr. MOORE of Kansas, Mr. COHEN, Mr. ORTIZ, Mr. HOLDEN, Mrs MALONEY of New York, Mrs. TAUSCHER, Mr. FILNER, Mr. JEFFERSON, Ms. ROYBAL-ALLARD, Mr. MCDERMOTT, Mr. ELLISON, Mrs. DRAKE, Ms. GINNY BROWN-WAITE of Florida, Mr. ALLEN, Mr. CLEAVER, Mr. MICHAUD, Mrs. BIGGERT, Ms. DELAURO, Mr. BERMAN, Mr. REICHERT, Mr. BISHOP of Georgia, Mr. MORAN of Virginia, Mr. GENE GREEN of Texas, Mr. NADLER, Mr. BRALEY of Iowa, Mr. CARNEY, Mr. MILLER of Florida, Mr. WYNN, Mrs. CHRISTENSEN, Mr. CONYERS, Ms. MATSUI, Ms. LINDA T. SANCHEZ of California, Mr. RUPPERSBERGER, and Mr. SHAYS) submitted the following resolution; which was referred to the Committee on Education and Labor Resolution Supporting the goals and ideals of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and expressing the sense of the House of Representatives that Congress should raise awareness of domestic violence in the United States and its devastating effects on families and communities. Whereas one in four women will experience domestic violence sometime in her life; Whereas domestic violence affects people of all ages, racial, ethnic, economic, and religious backgrounds Whereas women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates, per capita, of intimate partner violence; Whereas 13 percent of teenage girls who have been in a relationship report being hit or hurt by their partners and one in four teenage girls has been in a relationship in which she was pressured into performing sexual acts by her partner; Whereas there is a need for middle schools, secondary schools, and post-secondary schools to educate students about the issues of domestic violence, sexual assault, dating violence, and stalking; Whereas the annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence is estimated as $727,800,000 with over $7,900,000 paid workdays lost per year; Whereas homicides were the second leading cause of death on the job for women, with 15 percent of the 119 workplace homicides of women in 2003 attributed to a current or former husband or boyfriend; Whereas landlords frequently deny housing to victims of domestic violence who have protection orders or evict victims of domestic violence for seeking help, such as by calling 911, after a domestic violence incident or who have other indications that they are domestic violence victims; Whereas 92 percent of homeless women experience severe physical or sexual abuse at some point in their lifetimes; Whereas Americans suffer 2,200,000 medically treated injuries due to interpersonal violence annually, at a cost of $37,000,000,000 ($33,000,000,000 in productivity losses, $4,000,000,000 in medical treatment); Whereas people aged 15 to 44 years comprise 44 percent of the population, but account for nearly 75 percent of injuries and 83 percent of costs due to interpersonal violence; Whereas 40 to 60 percent of men who abuse women also abuse children; Whereas male children exposed to domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners; Whereas children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from home, and engage in teenage prostitution; Whereas adolescent girls who reported dating violence were 60 percent more likely to report one or more suicide attempts in the past year; Whereas 13.7 percent of the victims of murder-suicide cases were the children of the perpetrator and 74.6 percent were female while 91.9 percent of the perpetrators were male; in 30 percent of those cases the male perpetrator also committed suicide; Whereas a 2001 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on homicide among intimate partners found that female intimate partners are more likely to be murdered with a firearm than all other means combined; Whereas according to one study, during court ordered visitation, five percent of abusive fathers threaten to kill their spouses, 34 percent of abusive fathers threaten to kidnap their children, and 25 percent of abusive fathers threaten to physically hurt their children; Whereas 88 percent of men think that our society should do more to respect women and girls; Whereas homicide is the third leading cause of death for Native American women and 75 percent of Native American women who are killed are killed by a family member or an acquaintance; Whereas men say that the entertainment industry, government leaders and elected officials, the sports industry, schools, colleges and universities, the news media and employers should be doing more to prevent intimate partner violence; Whereas individuals and organizations that are dedicated to preventing and ending domestic violence should be recognized: Whereas there is a need to increase funding for programs carried out under the Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act of 2005 (VAWA 2005), Public Law 109-162, aimed at intervening and preventing domestic violence in the United States; and Now, therefore, be it resolved, That the House of Representatives-- Supports the goals and ideals of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month; and Expresses the sense of the House of Representatives that Congress should continue to raise awareness of domestic violence in the United States and its devastating effects on families and communities. Thinking about Thinking I suggest that if the members of Congress want to raise awareness about domestic violence and its devastating effects on families and communities the members of Congress need to become more aware themselves of the complexities of domestic violence. This Congressional bill demonstrates that the members of Congress are unaware of or have chosen to ignore the data reported in the following studies funded by Congress. Although the 110th Congress Resolution 590 claims that Congress wants to raise awareness of domestic violence, it actually demonstrates the lack of awareness they have about male victimization, i.e., the Resolution claims that “one I four women will experience domestic violence sometime in her life.” This claim most likely results from the National Violence Against Women Survey (NVAWS) which shows that nearly 25 percent of women report victimization. However, why does Resolution 590 make no attempt to raise awareness about the fact that 7.6 percent of surveyed men also report being domestic violence victims (Tjaden & Thoennes, 2000a, p. 111)? Congress is most likely not aware that the NVAWS also reports that women are twice as likely as men to report their victimization. Resolution 590 also claims that “13% of teenage girls who have been in a relationship report being hit or hurt by their partner.” There is no reason to dispute that, but what the Resolution does not report is that claim most likely comes from the Teen Relationship Abuse Survey, which reports on the same page (11) that 17% of teenage boys report being hit or hurt by their partner. Is the 110th Congress not aware of that data, or has it chosen to raise the awareness of the victimization of our daughters while ignoring the victimization of our sons? Resolution 590 does nothing to raise awareness that domestic violence can affect all people of all ages, racial, ethnic, economic, and religious backgrounds (Wallace, 2002). It does nothing to raise awareness that women who abuse men also abuse children (McDonald, Caetano, Green, Jouriles and Ramisetty-Mikler, 2006). In fact, a careful reading of the Resolution shows that it often reports male offending and rarely documents data that now report male victimization (Fiebert, 2005). "Advancing the Federal Research Agenda On Violence Against Women” The Federal public policy makers and their staff, as I have previously noted, need to become aware of the “Advancing the Federal Research Agenda on Violence Against Women” (Kruttschnitt, McLaughlin & Petrie 2004) http://books.nap.edu/catalog/10849.html . The Congressional resolution herein clearly documents that the members of Congress have either ignored or are unaware of the above report. "The Exposure Reduction or Backlash? The Effects of Domestic Violence Resources on Intimate Partner Homicide” A National Institute of Justice (NIJ) sponsored study that Congress needs to be read is The Exposure Reduction or Backlash? The Effects of Domestic Violence Resources on Intimate Partner Homicide (Dugin, Nagin, and Rosenfeld, 2001) http://www.ncjrs.org/pdffiles1/nij/grants/186194.pdf. This report notes simply being willing to prosecute cases of protection order violations may aggravate already tumultuous relationships. As prosecution willingness increases, we observe increases in homicide for white spouses… Also, more white females are killed by their boyfriends. The largest effect is for white married females… As the willingness index increases by 1, the expected number of white wives killed nearly doubles. "Controlling Violence against Women: A Research Perspective On the 1994 VAWA’s Criminal Justice Impacts” Congress also needs to be aware of the National Institute of Justice (NIJ) report, Controlling Violence Against Women: A Research Perspective on the 1994 VAWA’s Criminal Justice Impacts (Ford, Bachman, Friend & Meloy, 2002, p. 75) http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/197137.pdf. which concludes the following: But strong evidence that one policy is more effective than another in addressing recidivism is elusive. We still have much to learn about the differences in offenders and differences in populations of victims to justify advocating one policy over another without qualification. On the next page it concludes that: Above all, they [public policy makers] need to know that their policies and practices will not endanger women [emphasis added]. Unfortunately, there are too few preventive impact evaluations of policies already in place and fewer still that approach methodological standards insuring sound data for shaping policy (p. 76). The fact that there are no evaluations in place, no methodological standards and no data that can demonstrate that mandatory domestic violence policies and practices will not endanger some victims did not prevent federal and local public policy makers from implementing those policies. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV): Overview The members of Congress, particularly those who sponsored the above resolution, H.RES 590, provided in its entirety herein, because it includes the victimization of females and excludes the victimization of males, need to become more aware of the findings from National Violence Against Women Survey that is cosponsored by the National Institute of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control (Tjaden and Thoeenes, 2000a, p. iii). http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/181867.pdf This research has been available to the members of Congress since July of 2000. Intimate partner violence is pervasive in U.S. society. Nearly 25 percent of surveyed women and 7.6 percent of surveyed men said they were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or date at some time in their lifetime; 1.5 percent of surveyed women and 0.9 percent of surveyed men said they were raped and/or physically assaulted by a partner in the previous 12 months. According to these estimates, approximately 1.5 million women and 834,732 men are raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States. Because many victims are victimized more than once, the number of intimate partner victimization exceeds the number of intimate partner victims annually. Thus, approximately 4.8 million intimate partner rapes and physical assaults are perpetrated against U.S. women annually, and approximately 2.9 million intimate partner physical assaults are committed against U.S. men annually. These findings suggest the intimate partner violence is a serious criminal justice and public health concern. On page 24: For example, 40% of surveyed women and 54% of surveyed men said they were physically assaulted as a child by an adult caretaker. On page 29: Research on violence in same-sex relationships has been limited to studies of small, unrepresentative samples of gay and lesbian couples. Results from these studies suggest that same-sex couples are about as violent as heterosexual couples. On page 49: The survey found that women who were physically assaulted by an intimate were significantly more likely than their male counterparts to report their victimization to the police (26.7% and 13.5%, respectively). On page 50: A comparison of police responses to reports of physical assault committed against women and men by intimates showed that police were significantly more likely to take a report and to arrest or detain the perpetrator if the victim was female. And the final sentence in the report on page 57: Given these findings, criminal justice practitioners should receive comprehensive training about the safety needs of victims and the need to conduct community outreach to encourage victims of intimate partner violence to report their victimization to the police. Conclusion As stated in the resolution the Congressional goal is to, “raise awareness of domestic violence in the United States and its devastating effects on families and communities.” Perhaps it is time that Congress become aware that domestic violence has devastating effects on children, siblings, spouses, intimate partners and the elderly regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Perhaps sometime in the 21st century Congress will become aware of the reams of data that document male victimization and female offending _______________________________________________ Richard L. Davis President, http://www.familynonviolence.org/ http://us.f557.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=rldavis@post.harvard.edu

Domestic Violence: DAHMW.org - OUR SERVICES

SERVICES DAHMW.org Provides direct services and referrals to adult victims of intimate partner violence, our services include the following: Crisis Hotline: 1-888-7HELPLINE24-hour hotline operated by staff and trained volunteers to offer information and crisis intervention to victims of intimate partner violence. Information:Provide information about the issues concerning intimate partner violence. Referrals to community resources. Resource directory for the country including where to find (if available) "male victim friendly" resources in your area. Assistance in filing protection from abuse orders (where available). Counseling:Referrals to individual and group counseling for victims of intimate partner violence. (Not available in all areas for male victims please speak to our helpline volunteer to find out what's available in your area) Educational Service:DAHMW has a speakers bureau made up of seasoned professionals from all facets of the domestic violence field (law enforcement, attorneys, psychologists, social service providers, researchers) who provide presentations to community groups and organizations interested in learning more about intimate partner violence. Contact DAHMW at 207-683-5758 or dahmwbusiness@gmail.com to set one up. Support Groups:Referrals to support groups for victims of intimate partner violence (support groups for male victims somewhat limited please speak to our helpline volunteer to find out what's available in your area).Emergency Shelter:Emergency shelter and extended temporary haven for men, women and child survivors of intimate partner violence. (Shelter for male victims with or without children is somewhat limited, so please speak to our helpline advocate to find out what's available in your area). Need Help? Are you currently in a violent relationship or a survivor of one? Contact DAHMW AT 1-888-743-5754 (1-888-7HELPLINE) for crisis intervention. If you live outside of the US and need assistance, contact us by email at dahmwbusiness@gmail.com and we will arrange assistance. We are here to help.