Friday, December 10, 2010

Wait Your Turn Mister!

Right on the heels of Domestic Violence [against women] Awareness Month (October) comes the International Day of the Elimination of Violence Against Women (Nov.25th) and 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence. Concurrent with these last two campaigns is the White Ribbon Campaign which is the time for men and women to wear white ribbons and pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls. Following these two and one-half months of awareness of violence against women January brings National Stalking [against women] Awareness Month, February, the Go Red for Women in National Women's Heart Disease Awareness Month, March is Vulva Awareness Month , April is Sexual Assault [against women] Awareness Month, May is Women's Health Month, August is Child Support Awareness Month, September is National Ovarian Cancer and Menopause Awareness Month and finally we are back to October again with, Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence Awareness Month. But I digress. Now I'm as much for bringing awareness to serious social and health issues as the next person. However, I have to wonder, have we gone too far with all this awareness when someone feels they have a right to publicly humiliate and minimize another person's pain and suffering? I came across an opinion piece in a Johannesburg newspaper online the other day titled, "Men are victims of violence too, but that's not the point." The writer, Pinky Khoabane, was irate that a whimpering, whining (her words) man had called a radio station to discuss domestic violence perpetrated against him by a former female intimate partner at a time when, according to Ms. Khoabane, the focus should be on violence against women and children. Ms. Khoabane wrote that she found herself screaming into her radio '"Hello, this isn't your day, Mister..."' She was fuming and horrified that others who called into the radio station were empathetic to this man. She asked, '"When did women become such abusers of men for this campaign to literally be hijacked by the cries of men?"' In her written tantrum she went on to say that men need accept and acknowledge that men are mostly the aggressors [of domestic violence], women the victims and that most of womens aggression is in self defense. She ended by telling the abused man who called the radio station that his day will come but that the gender violence referred to during [the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence] is not that perpetrated against him and they aren't interested. Sadly, Ms. Khoabane reflects the same sentiments that I have heard from other women's rights activists (both male and female) here in the US, abused men should just take their lumps and shut up about it already, it's not their time to get attention or services. When will it be "their time?" It's been nearly forty years since the movement to end violence against women began and much progress has been made as evidenced by the number of awareness campaigns, services and the amount of funding that has been put in place to end all forms of violence against women here in the US. How many more years do we need to wait to see attention and like services made available to men (and children) who suffer abuse at the hands of their intimate partners? It's not as if we don't have proof of the need for services for abused men. Research has shown that men with violent partners have most of the same needs as abused women. Will abused men's "time" ever come? I guess we will just have to stop whining and whimpering and wait silently to see. NOT!


  1. Well she sure is professional ..... NOT!!!! Men are just as likely to be victim's of intimate partner violence as women. They have a voice and they need to be acknowledged, and be allowed to express their stories regardless of what ever forum they utilize.

  2. Great Stuff ! Great article. Shows how uninformed, insensitive and oblivious women are to Females abusing Males. Q: is Debra LaFave a child abuser? or is it just males that go for teen girls? Domestic violence and abuse is not a gender specific crime perpretrated only by men. I thought it was until my wife (now ex) attacked me physically. Women have to stop this nonsense, "Oh, he deserved it." "Abuse" is abuse like "NO means No!" My former needed help that I could not give. I recognized this way too late...after being arrested and falsely accused of DV. Let's focus on getting psych help to the abusers, male and female to end the domestic violence and abuse by both sexes. LaFave got caught. Most abusive and violent females are never charged and get away.

  3. Her comment reflects the lack of compassion that this mentality lacks. They don't care that there can be children in these homes to witness AND perpetuate this behavior. But that's okay, because they'll continue to have jobs in the future. Never mind that these workers might have male victims in their families. I work in this field, and later learned that I have a male relative who was a victim. Enough said.