"we know how it feels to be a victim of male domestic violence.”
The website came about in our effort to provide a practical online resource for men who are dealing with abusive women in their personal lives. There are also many requests for information and resources from family and friends of abused men, and we are attempting to help them as well. As therapists working in the domestic abuse field, it was obvious that men were not accessing help in the same way women do. Taking the time to consider all the reasons why this might be the case, made us realize that most men are probably not getting any assistance at all. Making information on abuse available specifically for men seemed an important thing to do. If abuse in all its forms is fundamentally wrong, then it is just as wrong for a man to be forced to endure abuse as it is for a woman. A critical lapse in abuse advocacy exists when the resources for victims of Intimate Partner Abuse (IPA) have been developed almost exclusively for women and their children, leaving abused men and their children to fend for themselves. Being professional women working in the abuse arena, who know men are also being abused, we felt it was important to acknowledge this openly and to find creative ways to reach these men with the understanding and the resources they need to help themselves. The website and the book seemed to be two effective ways to reach as many men as possible....
Generally speaking, the undercurrent of emotional abuse involves a consistent pattern of discontent on her part, for which he is blamed. She feels justified in manipulating, abusing and even terrorizing him based on her rigid perception that he will only ever fail to meet her expectations; therefore, he deserves her wrath. Letting her have what she wants quickly becomes null and void as soon as she is discontented once again. At some point, she is so invested in her anger, her ability to manipulate him, and how powerful this makes her feel, no matter how hard he tries nothing he does will be good enough. Any success or good mood he may share with her that doesn’t involve something she wants for herself, will only aggravate her; this will likely be followed by her attempt to tear him down and bring him back to a miserable state of self-doubt and loneliness. At some point, he will probably stop trying altogether and share as little as possible with her; this is a survival technique for him, which will work in the short term, but this is not meant to sustain him in the long run. This becomes a vicious cycle of attack and withdrawal, leaving a man to question himself, his self-worth and his purpose.
Another general scenario, involves a woman whose moods change rapidly. She’s up, she’s down, and prone to extreme reactions. There may not be a lot of thought behind her abusive flashes of anger, and these incidents don’t necessarily make sense. This woman may be affected by a mental health problem – possibly Bipolar Disorder. A medical intervention by a licensed Psychiatrist and appropriate medications will be necessary to resolve this issue. Therapy will a qualified therapist is also highly recommended for this woman and her husband and possibly their children where this applies....
I would encourage any man who suspects her treatment of him crosses the line, to log onto our website and learn more about emotionally abusive behavior. The first step to turning this problem around is becoming fully educated and aware of the problem itself. For instance, men who find themselves walking on eggshells for fear of what ordeal may erupt at home, should learn more about emotional abuse to determine how many signs of abuse they are dealing with on a regular basis. Men who find themselves staying late at work to avoid going home to her might consider a closer look also. Stress-related physical ailments, possibly linked to problems in the relationship are a red flag as well; such as, headaches, stomach problems, neck and muscle pain and so on. Symptoms of mild to moderate depression, which would not be uncommon with abuse, include a loss of appetite, fatigue, insomnia, irritability and an inability to enjoy the things usually enjoyable. Trauma symptoms are more significant and may include nightmares, moderate to severe depression, panic and possibly suicidal thoughts; these symptoms require medical help right away.
Former 'CSI' star Gary Dourdan's girlfriend was arrested on March 16 after allegedly assaulting the actor. Maria Asis del Alamo was released the same day on $20,000 bail. Her court date is set for April 6. Several outlets are making light of the situation, being that a man was assaulted by a woman. Statistics show that female to male violence is extremely under reported due in large to situations such as this.
A man is thought of less if he admits to being abused by a woman, it almost takes away his masculinity. Current statistics show that 1 in 7 men are assaulted annually. Some reports show that men can account for up to a third of domestic violence injuries and death. Women often make up for their lack of physical strength by utilizing weapons. Such was the case in the murder of football star Steve McNair by his girlfriend Sahal Kazemi.click here to read the rest of the article
BY KEVIN STANLEY
A recent study stated that there were 79,874 reported cases of domestic violence in the United States in 2009, up over 7,000 cases from the previous year, and up 13,000 cases from 2007. The profile of a victim of domestic violence—traditionally thought of as a younger female—is rapidly changing.
In a surprising trend, as many as 40% of domestic violence cases may involve violence by women against men. Abuse of the elderly by caregivers is on the rise, as is abuse against children.A victim of domestic violence and abuse can look like anyone, and be anywhere… even right next door to you. One woman has made it her personal mission to tackle domestic violence wherever she may find it, and provide a hand of help to victims seeking a way out. click here to read more of the story
FYI from SAVE-
Fox News is planning to do a story on male victims of workplace sexual harassment. If you know of a male victim who is willing to be interviewed on this topic, please have him contact Ben Evansky at firstname.lastname@example.org
The point is that there is no other agency like DAHMW. It exists solely on the work of volunteers. Ms. Brown doesn't take a salary from it, and in fact spends a lot of her own money. She can't get the same grant monies that domestic-abuse programs for women get. She alleges she's actually excluded from most of it. As such, she runs this on about $15,000 a year--on a good year. Yet she helps more men and women than you can imagine, and in fact helps men who literally have no other choice.
I am putting together an anthology. This anthology is not fiction. It will be a collection of essays by men who have been victims of domestic-partner abuse, either physical, sexual, emotional, or mental, or by those who know or have helped men who were victims.
And all profits from the anthology will be donated to the DAHMW. I hope to help bring some recognition to this problem and help the DAHMW in its mission.
Recently, my wife and I attended a fundraiser for Artemis, an advocate organization for abused women. My dinner partner was a staff member of Artemis and I asked her if there is a local or national organization that is an advocate for men who are abused by their wives. She informed me that Artemis also assists men who are physically abused by their wives, although the number is much smaller.
I asked the question because I know of a husband who was physically abused repeatedly by his wife in a way that equals spouse abuse. Even more sadly, she alienated their two children against him.
Artemis should make it better known to the public that their organization is available to assist men, as well as women, in domestic violence situations.
Assisting male victims of domestic abuse is more daunting because of the “macho” persona so many men practice.
I challenge the board of Artemis to place this item on their next agenda. Spousal abuse knows no gender — children suffer the same regardless of which parent is violent and the pain of isolation from a parent can be damaging for a lifetime.
Kenneth J. Kuntz