Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Does Anyone Else Find This Offensive to Male Victims?

I just read about a campaign over in London that is meant to bring more awareness of male victims of domestic abuse. I think it's wonderful that they are trying to bring more heighten awareness to the fact that "one man dies as a result of domestic abuse every three weeks." click here to read the article However, I find the campaign offensive to male victims. The campaign uses an image of a man with no genitalia with a caption that reads,

"we know how it feels to be a victim of male domestic violence.”

National Centre for Domestic Violence campaign

This may heighten awareness of male victims of domestic violence but what does the image do for a male victim? Maybe they think differently in the UK, " we feel that the shocking nature of the image we’ve used really reflects the seriousness of the issue.” click here to read the article To me it suggests that if you are a man being abused you have been stripped of your manhood. How will that make more men come forward and talk about their victimization? Is this the message they want to give male victims and the public about domestic abuse against men? I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this campaign.

Monday, March 29, 2010

LGBTQ Crime Victims Neglected by Nation's Victim Support System, Says Landmark Report Washington, DC---The National Center for Victims of Crime and the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs today released Why It Matters: Rethinking Victim Assistance for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Victims of Hate Violence and Intimate Partner Violence. This groundbreaking report, the product of a 2009 nationwide survey of mainstream victim assistance providers and anti-violence programs serving the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) community, describes widespread gaps in victim services for LGBTQ victims of crime and recommends steps to improve both the services and their accessibility.... To read more of this press release click here

Dr. Claudia Cornell on the emotional abuse of men by women

excerpts from an online interview Dr. Cornell did for The Upper Deck Blog To read the interview in it's entirety click here
  • What inspired the two of you to start the Women Against the Abuse of Men web site?

The website came about in our effort to provide a practical online resource for men who are dealing with abusive women in their personal lives. There are also many requests for information and resources from family and friends of abused men, and we are attempting to help them as well. As therapists working in the domestic abuse field, it was obvious that men were not accessing help in the same way women do. Taking the time to consider all the reasons why this might be the case, made us realize that most men are probably not getting any assistance at all. Making information on abuse available specifically for men seemed an important thing to do. If abuse in all its forms is fundamentally wrong, then it is just as wrong for a man to be forced to endure abuse as it is for a woman. A critical lapse in abuse advocacy exists when the resources for victims of Intimate Partner Abuse (IPA) have been developed almost exclusively for women and their children, leaving abused men and their children to fend for themselves. Being professional women working in the abuse arena, who know men are also being abused, we felt it was important to acknowledge this openly and to find creative ways to reach these men with the understanding and the resources they need to help themselves. The website and the book seemed to be two effective ways to reach as many men as possible....

  • Could you describe typical emotional abuse scenarios?

Generally speaking, the undercurrent of emotional abuse involves a consistent pattern of discontent on her part, for which he is blamed. She feels justified in manipulating, abusing and even terrorizing him based on her rigid perception that he will only ever fail to meet her expectations; therefore, he deserves her wrath. Letting her have what she wants quickly becomes null and void as soon as she is discontented once again. At some point, she is so invested in her anger, her ability to manipulate him, and how powerful this makes her feel, no matter how hard he tries nothing he does will be good enough. Any success or good mood he may share with her that doesn’t involve something she wants for herself, will only aggravate her; this will likely be followed by her attempt to tear him down and bring him back to a miserable state of self-doubt and loneliness. At some point, he will probably stop trying altogether and share as little as possible with her; this is a survival technique for him, which will work in the short term, but this is not meant to sustain him in the long run. This becomes a vicious cycle of attack and withdrawal, leaving a man to question himself, his self-worth and his purpose.

Another general scenario, involves a woman whose moods change rapidly. She’s up, she’s down, and prone to extreme reactions. There may not be a lot of thought behind her abusive flashes of anger, and these incidents don’t necessarily make sense. This woman may be affected by a mental health problem – possibly Bipolar Disorder. A medical intervention by a licensed Psychiatrist and appropriate medications will be necessary to resolve this issue. Therapy will a qualified therapist is also highly recommended for this woman and her husband and possibly their children where this applies....

  • How does one recognize that one is affected by emotional abuse?

I would encourage any man who suspects her treatment of him crosses the line, to log onto our website and learn more about emotionally abusive behavior. The first step to turning this problem around is becoming fully educated and aware of the problem itself. For instance, men who find themselves walking on eggshells for fear of what ordeal may erupt at home, should learn more about emotional abuse to determine how many signs of abuse they are dealing with on a regular basis. Men who find themselves staying late at work to avoid going home to her might consider a closer look also. Stress-related physical ailments, possibly linked to problems in the relationship are a red flag as well; such as, headaches, stomach problems, neck and muscle pain and so on. Symptoms of mild to moderate depression, which would not be uncommon with abuse, include a loss of appetite, fatigue, insomnia, irritability and an inability to enjoy the things usually enjoyable. Trauma symptoms are more significant and may include nightmares, moderate to severe depression, panic and possibly suicidal thoughts; these symptoms require medical help right away.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

IGive.com Fund Raiser Challenge Update

Only two people (donation= $2 to DAHMW) have signed up so far...there is still $4,817.00 up for grabs in this challenge..please help us! See below for hyperlink to get involved. Thanks

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Help DAHMW - takes 5 minutes or less and no donation required

Dear Supporters and Friends of DAHMW, Once again IGive.com is giving away $5,000 to charities that are part of their community... .$1.00 at a time. The challenge starts Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 12pm CST. For each new member that signs up (free) and does just one web search on their site (free again!) IGive.com will donate one dollar to the cause. Although the challenge lasts up to 24hrs the last time we participated the 5k was given away within 4-5 hours! So we have to be quick! Please use the link below to sign up starting WEDNESDAY 12pm CST and ask your friends to do the same! http://www.igive. com/DAHM Remember to do one web search on their site. As you may or may not know the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women is an all volunteer directed agency that works with less than $15,000.00 a year. All donations go directly into support and services for victims of domestic abuse and bringing public awareness to the issue. Just think what we could do for victims of domestic abuse with these funds: $100 would allow us to shelter and feed a homeless victim of domestic abuse for one night. $200 would allow us to shelter and feed a homeless victims of domestic abuse for two nights. $300 would allow us to buy a bus ticket for a victim who wants to escape a violent relationship but is unable to do so because they don't have any transportation. $500 would allow us to keep our toll free crisis line running for another month. These are just a few examples of the things we could do with this donation so please help us to help victims by joining us in this fundraiser! Thanks so much. Jan E. Brown, Founder and Director http://www.igive. com/DAHM

Monday, March 22, 2010

Children Of Abused Men - Family Violence From The Eyes And Hearts Of Battered Men

By: Dr Jeanne King PhD There is a plethora of information on the Internet and in the media about violence against women. And for the gentleman being abused, finding relevant, accurate insight and advice is like finding a needle in a haystack. Even harder for abused men is finding answers for the questions they have about their innocent minor children. Below are a couple of questions pertaining to the children of battered men. 1) "How can men successfully protect their children from and in abusive relationships?" As a parent, we seek to protect our children from danger. It is a primal instinct that any parent feels from the core of their being. But when that danger lurks within your home and interfaces with your young on a routine and regular basis, protecting them gets tricky. Why? Because your doing so is by-in-large ultimately regulated through a system. (more on this in question #2 below pertaining to divorce)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Study shows 33% of Domestic Violence Victims are Male

Former 'CSI' star Gary Dourdan's girlfriend was arrested on March 16 after allegedly assaulting the actor. Maria Asis del Alamo was released the same day on $20,000 bail. Her court date is set for April 6. Several outlets are making light of the situation, being that a man was assaulted by a woman. Statistics show that female to male violence is extremely under reported due in large to situations such as this.

A man is thought of less if he admits to being abused by a woman, it almost takes away his masculinity. Current statistics show that 1 in 7 men are assaulted annually. Some reports show that men can account for up to a third of domestic violence injuries and death. Women often make up for their lack of physical strength by utilizing weapons. Such was the case in the murder of football star Steve McNair by his girlfriend Sahal Kazemi.

click here to read the rest of the article

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Precious Love: An Angel for the Abused


A recent study stated that there were 79,874 reported cases of domestic violence in the United States in 2009, up over 7,000 cases from the previous year, and up 13,000 cases from 2007. The profile of a victim of domestic violence—traditionally thought of as a younger female—is rapidly changing.

In a surprising trend, as many as 40% of domestic violence cases may involve violence by women against men. Abuse of the elderly by caregivers is on the rise, as is abuse against children.

A victim of domestic violence and abuse can look like anyone, and be anywhere… even right next door to you. One woman has made it her personal mission to tackle domestic violence wherever she may find it, and provide a hand of help to victims seeking a way out. click here to read more of the story

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Male victim's of workplace sexual harrassment

FYI from SAVE-

Fox News is planning to do a story on male victims of workplace sexual harassment. If you know of a male victim who is willing to be interviewed on this topic, please have him contact Ben Evansky at ben.evansky@foxnews.com

Monday, March 15, 2010

Blog Talk Radio - Special show dedicated to Men Survivors of Domestic Violence

Too often is this topic overlooked, so Kathleen had a full panel of experts sharing insight on Men Survivors of Domestic Violence, but also how their services are helping men rebuild their lives. Her special guests included: Donna Savage, author of "The Bood & Tears of Domestic Violence" and founder of The Word for Life, a nonprofit organization for domestic violence and AIDS awareness. www.dmsavage.com Jan Brown, Founder & Executive Director of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women. www.dahmw.org 1-888-7HELPLINE (1-888-743-5754) Located in Maine, available 24/7 Julia Sudduth, Services Coordinator for the Valley Oasis Shelter for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning population. http://www.avdvc.org/ Lorraine Hines, Chief of Residential Services with Antelope Valley Domestic Violence Council. http://www.avdvc.org/ To go to Kathleen Schmidt's site to hear the show click here

Looking for Male Victims of Domestic Abuse's True Stories

From David Fitzpatrick's: As part of my job with a newspaper, I interviewed Jan Brown, who runs the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women. This toll-free, national helpline is run here in Maine, and is the only one of its kind. I was astonished to learn that, despite the numbers we often hear, male victims of abuse by intimate partners is far higher than society believes. I won't belabor the point here, or try to educate anyone, or argue the various numbers. That isn't the point.

The point is that there is no other agency like DAHMW. It exists solely on the work of volunteers. Ms. Brown doesn't take a salary from it, and in fact spends a lot of her own money. She can't get the same grant monies that domestic-abuse programs for women get. She alleges she's actually excluded from most of it. As such, she runs this on about $15,000 a year--on a good year. Yet she helps more men and women than you can imagine, and in fact helps men who literally have no other choice.

I am putting together an anthology. This anthology is not fiction. It will be a collection of essays by men who have been victims of domestic-partner abuse, either physical, sexual, emotional, or mental, or by those who know or have helped men who were victims.

And all profits from the anthology will be donated to the DAHMW. I hope to help bring some recognition to this problem and help the DAHMW in its mission.

Please visit Epic Saga Publishing for more info on the project and to contact David with your story.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Hobbes In The House/male Victims Of Domestic Abuse -- It Happens

MN Spokesman-Recorder Domestic abuse against men – it happens. You're going to have a hard finding statistics, because reluctant as many women are to report abusive husbands or boyfriends to the authorities, out of fear of his retaliation or because they've been conditioned to accept the abuse – men are even less likely to pick up the phone, dial 911 and say their wife or girlfriend just went upside their head or threw a pot at them." If a man has a hotheaded, heavy-handed woman to deal with, there are reasons he doesn't say or do anything about it except hope she doesn't wind up maiming or killing him. For one, it's embarrassing to have it look like she can whup his butt. For another, in certain states, all she has to do is, when the cops show up, claim she was defending herself and that she is in fear of him. Whether it's true or not, he promptly finds himself treated to a free ride downtown where he's accorded an insider's view of the county jail – from the wrong side of the bars. Now, if he happens to be gay and his husband or boyfriend has been roughing him up, he can't possibly know how the cop who shows up feels about homosexuality. For all he knows, the cop may drag them both off in handcuffs, abuser and victim alike. There is also the kind of abuse you can't report to police, because it's not illegal. Just as women are made to endure mental and emotional torture, there are men who put up with being treated like a doormat. She may constantly make snide, demeaning comments for no good reason. She may spitefully manipulate his feelings -- to read the rest of the article

Men also can be victims of spousal abuse

Men also can be victims of spousal abuse 6:28 PM Friday, February 26, 2010

Recently, my wife and I attended a fundraiser for Artemis, an advocate organization for abused women. My dinner partner was a staff member of Artemis and I asked her if there is a local or national organization that is an advocate for men who are abused by their wives. She informed me that Artemis also assists men who are physically abused by their wives, although the number is much smaller.

I asked the question because I know of a husband who was physically abused repeatedly by his wife in a way that equals spouse abuse. Even more sadly, she alienated their two children against him.

Artemis should make it better known to the public that their organization is available to assist men, as well as women, in domestic violence situations.

Assisting male victims of domestic abuse is more daunting because of the “macho” persona so many men practice.

I challenge the board of Artemis to place this item on their next agenda. Spousal abuse knows no gender — children suffer the same regardless of which parent is violent and the pain of isolation from a parent can be damaging for a lifetime.

Kenneth J. Kuntz


Treatment for Violence Among Couples Should Consider Both Male and Female Offenders, Substance Abuse and the Choice to Stay Together

Treatment for Violence Among Couples Should Consider Both Male and Female Offenders, Substance Abuse and the Choice to Stay Together Effectively treating violence among couples should encompass more than treating men separately for power and control issues, according to a Kansas State University expert. Manhattan, KS - infoZine - Sandra Stith, a professor of family studies and human services, is an expert in intimate partner violence. She said research supports treating substance abuse as a means to stopping violence in some situations, while also considering that women can be violent themselves and that some couples choose to stay together regardless of violence in the relationship. Stith expressed concern about some state standards for domestic violence treatment. "Some standard requirements use particular models that have no evidence of efficacy at all," Stith said. "State treatment requirements are not always based on research but often on ideology and beliefs." She's finding that standards often operate on myths, such as that only men are offenders. Stith said that because men are more likely to be arrested for violence against a partner, most treatment programs target them. "In most of our research we find that although women are more likely to be injured by intimate partner violence, both men and women are often violent," Stith said. "A lot of communities are just putting female offenders in victim services." To read more of this article click here